I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
