i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
