I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
