i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
