...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
