I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
