I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We left the knife in your bed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
