The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
