pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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