I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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