Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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