Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
