dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
