Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
