I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
