oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
