Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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