the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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