Duck Duck Cougar?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
