Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
