please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
