dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
