So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
