i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
