I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
