They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
