Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
