Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this just has baby written all over it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
