I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize