I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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