he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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