your room smells of hookers.
And success
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
