Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
