tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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