I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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