dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
