The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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