video games are the ultimate cock blocker
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
