These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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