Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize