she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
