why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We need to get me chipped asap
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
