i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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