Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
