careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize