we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
