I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
