I want to make a zoo with you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You need a sexual gate keeper
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
