I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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