She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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