Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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