Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
