Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
