Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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