i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
