Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
