I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
