So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Floor bacon is actually really good
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
