i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
