i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
