She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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