D3 body, D1 cock
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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