Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Found the puke drawer
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Boobs are out for the taking
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
