we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
