He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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