Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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