You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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