I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
