um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
