Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
