I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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