just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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