next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
