You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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