Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
