I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
