I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize