I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
