He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize