3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
