I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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