This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
