just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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