I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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