woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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