Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
