Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
