I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize