In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i dont even know how to be here
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
