I think my vagina is haunted
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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