great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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