Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
