are you still at the devil's house?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
