Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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