i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
