you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
