based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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