They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
