i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
