dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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