I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
