I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
