So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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