after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
