he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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