Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
