is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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