Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize