My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
