Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
