Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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