you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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