when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
